Year ago, after hearing about Weight Watchers, my turn came to do more than watch my weight balloon. The winter had been especially cold, and thinking I was a walrus, I had put on extra layers of fat to see me through till the thaw. But the snow had melted, and my added coverage had not. In fact, it hung like water-filled saddlebags from my midsection. I was starting to waddle, which got on my nerves. It takes so much longer to get anywhere when you slosh from side to side.
When I arrived at my first Weight Watchers meeting, I knew I was in trouble. The other attendees were weighing in. I don’t do scales. I don’t want to know what I weigh. I don’t have to know how much to know I’m too much. My splitting pant seams, my “awesome”-sized pantyhose, and my hubby’s giggles when I donned my nightie were all the clues I needed. Of course, the fact that my nightie could serve as an awning for our front porch didn’t help. Actually, I bought it gigantic because in comparison it made me feel small, which is all part of the strategy when you’re in denial. Don’t change yourself; instead, change your underwear (which my mother told me I should do anyway.)
At any rate, I’m sure I have the record for the shortest stint in that organization’s history. One look at the scale (have you seen the size of that puppy?) and I was history. I went right to the candy factory to celebrate my ability, even under pressure, to retain not only my unnecessary weight but also my weighty denial.
Hindrances are things that tend to trip us up. Remember the little boy at school who was constantly sticking his leg into the aisle in hopes he would send someone tumbling? He was a hindrance.
Hindrances can be small and impersonal like lost car keys, or they can be bigger and more personal like my extra weight. Hindrances can also be barricade-size, creating a constant obstacle course in our lives. One of the taller hurdles we will have to scale (there’s that word again) to be healed is denial. Of course, having to high jump our defensiveness is no easy matter, either. And watch out for the quicksand of the double bind: You can be up to your elbows before you know it.
Let’s lace up our high-tops and climb those entrances so we can truly run the race.
-Excerpt from my book, Under His Wings-